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Drinks First?

So my computer needs a tattoo. Actually, my motherboard needs a tattoo. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried, right? My home machine has been out of commission for almost a month now, and thanks to my extended warranty, I have faith that it will be up and running again soon.

But a tattoo? What's the protocol for getting your motherboard a tattoo? Does it need a wild night out with the hard drives, the CPUs and the memory to sustain enough libations and pressure to encourage it? Will the external hard drive keep the photos of this inky moment in time forever as blackmail? Will the RAM even remember telling the motherboard "Aww, come on, it doesn't hurt!"

I mean, we're talking a motherboard. What will the kids think of mom getting a tattoo?

And what about me? I'm a "to each his own" kind of girl but have never seen the allure of getting a tattoo personally. I grew up around a military base, where lots of leathernecks sported tats, but in a generation where "Miami ink" meant buying a cool pen at the beach. Now I'll have a tattooed wonder inside my home office. I'll have to hide this from the tween.

I picture this tattoo as a red heart, or maybe a rose with "Mother" inscribed upon it. The kind of tattoo that Popeye the Sailor Man would have picked to show his love for Olive Oyl.

When my new tattooed motherboard arrives in the next few days, I hope it lasts inside my computer the way an actual tattoo lasts upon your skin. Permanently.


Image from protectorr's photostream on Flickr.

Coveting Chic Technology

How I’ll be HP’s Cupid for an HP Vivienne Tam Special Edition Notebook

So Cupid only has a bow and arrows to make people fall in love, but I have a love of writing and the World Wide Web at my fingertips. My husband and I have long been HP users – we started with printers back in the 1990s, and then I bought the coolest HP scanjet (the vertical one that’s see through? Love it! I’ve seen it on CSI too.) and now we have an HP media center PC. I love it, but rarely get to use it.

Did I mention my husband was born on Valentine’s Day? And that he is a PC gamer? With a lot of games? Each year for his birthday, I get him the game he’s dying to play and he goes off to bond with the computer and his military strategy game. While Valentine’s Day is important to us, I like to celebrate it more as his birthday. It seems more fair that way. I don’t have to buy him a present on my birthday (which is the anniversary of an event that ended World War II, but that’s beside the point), but he feels obligated to buy me one on his.

So if I won the HP Mini Vivienne Tam Special Edition Digital Clutch, he would be so off the hook. He would be free to hog the PC downstairs, while I could take my beautiful peony-strewn digital clutch anywhere. I could surf the web from my daughter’s homework spot at the kitchen table to help her with her studies. I could take the HP Vivienne Tam Digital Clutch up to the baby’s room to download lullabies for my MP3 player to soothe her to sleep, or play soothing videos when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Both girls would learn that technology is beautiful as they admire the sleek lines and bold floral print.

I could take my darling digital clutch to my room and indulge in a little me time as I catch up with friends and family with Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn. I’d tell all my fellow Twittermoms about my cool HP digital clutch, and maybe, finally, I’d be able to use the computer at night and attend tweetups and chats that are right now out of my reach because my darling husband’s left flank is sneaking up on a squadron of enemy fighters and that strategy he’d been putting together for days would fall apart if he stopped, or my tween has to attend to her Webkinz before they all become sick from unhappiness or whatever happens to those digital pets.

I could take it on business trips and impress my clients and strangers in the airport – especially those folks who are huddled around the one outlet at the gate, trying to get enough juice to keep their dwindling laptop batteries charged while I surf the web with plenty of battery power in this fashion-forward and technologically chic digital clutch. And since it fits right in my handbag, I would never have to pay those extra bag fees or juggle a laptop bag and purse again. If I were in New York very early in the morning, I would go stand behind the fence at the Today show and just hold my HP Mini Vivienne Tam Special Edition Digital Clutch up in the air instead of one of those signs about it being my birthday. You know all the camera operators would zoom right in on me for that.

I would tell EVERYONE that I am online and HOW I am online and finally my New Year’s resolution to stay in better touch would come true because I would be able to finally get the digital pictures off my camera and uploaded to the web via my HP Mini Vivienne Tam special edition notebook so my girlfriends and I could talk about everything that’s going on with our lives since we all scattered to the four winds. I would infect them with desire to have their own darling HP Vivienne Tam Digital Clutches, and their husbands would see the light – how adding one tiny little piece of technology could make a home run happier and healthier because let’s face it, the saying is true: If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t NOBODY happy.

In closing, a brief limerick:

There once was a girl from Carolina
Who thought that there’d be nothing finer,
Than an HP Vivi Tam Digi Clutch
She would use it so much,
As a Facebook Fashionista, Diva web surfer divine-er.